Have you ever received good news that you just couldn't take at the time?
Friday one of my closest friends told me some of the best news in their life and I was flooded with every possible emotion that comes to mind. In a single instant I felt her joy, my sorrow, hope for the future, regret for the past; there is no way of explaining everything. I still don't know how I feel, suffice it to say I am very happy for her, and completely unsure of myself. In a single instant the realization of my current situation set in with the full force of being kicked in the gut ( OK, the kicked in the gut part may have been the three packs of girlscout cookies and six pack of cream soda I had consumed earlier beginning to churn in my stomach) and yet I don't feel she kicked me in the gut.
I think for the first time in my life I understand what it is to truly love someone and truly be in love with someone. And yet given the situation I cant help thinking this is wrong, we are only friends, and she has found happiness in another.... But love is the only word that seems to fit. So here I am possibly about to complicate the lives of two people I very much like and wish only the best for, simply by giving them the only blessing I know. I seem unable to sort out my own emotions and I find it fit to give blessing to what they are feeling. I have no idea what anyone will make if this... it is not my place to say anything, and yet I have to say the only reason I am happy for them is that I am in love with her in such a way that her happiness means everything to me. And yet on many levels I wouldn't feel as happy for her if the situation were different, and it was me in his place. I really cant explain that part, it is where the bulk of my confusion originates from. Suffice it to say for the present I a confused by these new feelings of joy for them... Their happiness is a stark contrast to the rest of what is going on in my life.
I am confused so very much by love right now that I couldn't tell you what any of this means. I apologize to those who find this awkward to read, I seldom share my thoughts on such intimate levels, but seeing everything typed out makes it easier for me to understand... I promise a return to the usual mindless drivel or something in the future, for now I just needed to think.
perhaps if I need more time to sort this out ill once again grant you an all access pass to my mind. But for now I think have confused even myself, I currently have no more words for you, or anything else. But I also am becoming more comfortable with the situations in my life, I just still have no idea what those words are. As this is already a verbose post I think it best to just say I have no idea what I am or have been saying for that matter, and stop wasting space.
congratulations, and good luck (you know who you are, and I know you don't like others to know who you are) we need to talk face to face, before my head explodes... That's all for today
Friday one of my closest friends told me some of the best news in their life and I was flooded with every possible emotion that comes to mind. In a single instant I felt her joy, my sorrow, hope for the future, regret for the past; there is no way of explaining everything. I still don't know how I feel, suffice it to say I am very happy for her, and completely unsure of myself. In a single instant the realization of my current situation set in with the full force of being kicked in the gut ( OK, the kicked in the gut part may have been the three packs of girlscout cookies and six pack of cream soda I had consumed earlier beginning to churn in my stomach) and yet I don't feel she kicked me in the gut.
I think for the first time in my life I understand what it is to truly love someone and truly be in love with someone. And yet given the situation I cant help thinking this is wrong, we are only friends, and she has found happiness in another.... But love is the only word that seems to fit. So here I am possibly about to complicate the lives of two people I very much like and wish only the best for, simply by giving them the only blessing I know. I seem unable to sort out my own emotions and I find it fit to give blessing to what they are feeling. I have no idea what anyone will make if this... it is not my place to say anything, and yet I have to say the only reason I am happy for them is that I am in love with her in such a way that her happiness means everything to me. And yet on many levels I wouldn't feel as happy for her if the situation were different, and it was me in his place. I really cant explain that part, it is where the bulk of my confusion originates from. Suffice it to say for the present I a confused by these new feelings of joy for them... Their happiness is a stark contrast to the rest of what is going on in my life.
I am confused so very much by love right now that I couldn't tell you what any of this means. I apologize to those who find this awkward to read, I seldom share my thoughts on such intimate levels, but seeing everything typed out makes it easier for me to understand... I promise a return to the usual mindless drivel or something in the future, for now I just needed to think.
perhaps if I need more time to sort this out ill once again grant you an all access pass to my mind. But for now I think have confused even myself, I currently have no more words for you, or anything else. But I also am becoming more comfortable with the situations in my life, I just still have no idea what those words are. As this is already a verbose post I think it best to just say I have no idea what I am or have been saying for that matter, and stop wasting space.
congratulations, and good luck (you know who you are, and I know you don't like others to know who you are) we need to talk face to face, before my head explodes... That's all for today
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