I must share these!

I copied these from the forums at questionablecontent.net
one of the users took them off of bash.org

http://www.bash.org/?5259
Reuben: somebody keeps jiggling the doorknob on my front door, then running away
Reuben: i don't know if i should call the police, or hook up some
electricity to the doorknob
Cristobal: why don't you put ice on the stairs
Cristobal: and heat up the door knob
Cristobal: and swing paint buckets down from your two story foyer
Cristobal: then a few years later, fade from the public eye.....

And....

http://www.bash.org/?197845
SRG: Metallica sold out in 45 mins :/
NotOneOfUs: Yeah I know.
NotOneOfUs: Oh wait
NotOneOfUs: You mean, like, a concert?
SRG: yes