Sometime it's just you and the ones you love against the world.
so you back up against the wall and prepare for your last stand together, but suddenly you look around and realised that everyone has left...
so you stand there and brace yourself against the onslaught. it doesnt matter if you win or not, you still walk away a loser. you walk away defeated. you walk away alone. whether you have beaten an army or a country, you have lost to your self.
It seems that while my friends are truer than most, I often find them quick to turn and hardly capable of reciprocating anything other than minimal patience at my mistakes.
I cant seem to hold a candle to the accomplishments of others barely able to meet the needs of those I love. it's not that the accomplishments of others deemed more worthy of thier love are considered better, but rather it is that I seem to trespass upon their patience at the slightest provocation... my mistake is like a plague upon these people, my mis-step teetering on the brink of nothingness. No appology will seem to do, no plea of forgiveness is adequate, but rather my character is a testimony against itself. I am not worthy of their presence despite my dedication to their happiness.
In truth I grow weary of their judgements, but still would not trade one of my friends for anything; even something so dear as my life. I just wish that I had more in my life to count upon other than Ana, for without her I would have forgotten the meaning of friend long ago... but one friend cannot always hold you up like she does. I just wish that my other friends would take the time to tell me what grievance I present them, that they should justify their lack of care with honesty; for the sake of the many friendships i seem to remember that are no more.
so you back up against the wall and prepare for your last stand together, but suddenly you look around and realised that everyone has left...
so you stand there and brace yourself against the onslaught. it doesnt matter if you win or not, you still walk away a loser. you walk away defeated. you walk away alone. whether you have beaten an army or a country, you have lost to your self.
It seems that while my friends are truer than most, I often find them quick to turn and hardly capable of reciprocating anything other than minimal patience at my mistakes.
I cant seem to hold a candle to the accomplishments of others barely able to meet the needs of those I love. it's not that the accomplishments of others deemed more worthy of thier love are considered better, but rather it is that I seem to trespass upon their patience at the slightest provocation... my mistake is like a plague upon these people, my mis-step teetering on the brink of nothingness. No appology will seem to do, no plea of forgiveness is adequate, but rather my character is a testimony against itself. I am not worthy of their presence despite my dedication to their happiness.
In truth I grow weary of their judgements, but still would not trade one of my friends for anything; even something so dear as my life. I just wish that I had more in my life to count upon other than Ana, for without her I would have forgotten the meaning of friend long ago... but one friend cannot always hold you up like she does. I just wish that my other friends would take the time to tell me what grievance I present them, that they should justify their lack of care with honesty; for the sake of the many friendships i seem to remember that are no more.
3 Comments:
Odds are if you are reading this post and care enough to comment you are one of the few friends i have left who seems to care. most of you have been better friends than i deserve, I just am currently learning much about others who seem eager to abuse my care and trust in them. once agian this post will probably only be read by thise i would consider true friends anyways, i just had to get this off my chest before i snapped and chased away any of the remaining friends i have.
I disagree with your statement. In your first,um well we'll just call it first paragraph. You don't lose anything to yourself. To be the last standing and able to "walk away alone" is a merit in itself. It just means you need no one's approval to move but yourself. And in that you are no loser.
Sincerely,
NIcole C.
There is much truth in your words nicole. I suppose there is no shame in being alone, and the ability to function without others is a strength. Ultimately there is no victory or loss in change... and my post was both foolish and poorly worded.
I seem much quicker to anger lately. sorry if i seem to snap at people from time to time.
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